Yesterday was my one year anniversary at work. How do you like them apples? One year down, 40 or so to go?
I promised myself I wouldn't panic til I'm 29. That will give me one year before I'm 30. Until then, I'm fine staying at this job. You know. Oh God.
Anyway, as a memoir, I've decided to collect every sentence on this blog where I used the word "work" to talk about work in the past year and combine it into one paragraph. It's chronological order.
Editor's Note: It took a lot longer than I thought. And is alot longer than I thought. But also slightly better than I thought.
I start work in T-minus 30 hours or so. I'll probably get some butterflies when I first pull into the work parking lot that morning. I've got two days of work down and my mood toward it is generally positive. That could be true for relationships, work, what have you. Atleast work is somewhat harder to quit than a relationship, so I can't get scared and run from it. They gave me all these options for work hours, including how long you want your lunch break to be. After much deliberation, I'm working 6:30-4:30 with a lunch break from 11:30-12:30. The people at my work seem really cool. I'm 2 weeks into work and I feel really comfortable with it already. Work time is work time and my time is, well, my time. Today at work I saw this guy brushing his teeth in the bathroom. I really just want to go on and on about how unbelievably incredible work is. I can listen to music at work, so due to this it's important that I expand my musical horizons and download lots of good stuff. I went with my kicking crew from work, and it was a blast. I decided to do it because some of my straight home-dawgs from work do it. This was much to my chagrin as my coworkers could easily see the level of my duncicity. Then I remembered that I worked as a busboy for 2 years where one of my main and favorite duties was throwing trash into the dumpster. I played soccer with coworkers yesterday. Today is a day worthy of documentation because of my performance with my after-work social soccer team. Not to mention I now get to join the small fraternity of people at work who have scored goals at our after work social soccer games. And they became the exclusive theme to my life at work. And my life outside of work for that matter. And makes me go to the gym everyday after work. Like my badge from work a couple of weeks ago. Working sans ipod is tantamount to torture. My cubicle at work is coincidently positioned exactly the same as my cubicle at work three years ago. Working in a cubicle is cool because it makes me feel more like a corporate slave. And there is nothing worse than working for the weekend. If I wake up one day and realize it's been x amount of years and all I'm doing is working toward the weekend, well suffice it to say I'll either bitch alot or hurl myself off the window. And maybe go into work on my offday. The time it would take me to write a check and get a stamp and mail it would make it not worth it according to my per minute salary at work. So I have to reserve some of my funny stuff like observations about workmates to verbal communication. But just as a non-specific PSA that has no root in reality, you shouldn't clip your fingernails at work. It's not working, which you are at work to do. And point C), males should especially not clip their fingernails at work. Get ready for work. Arrive at work (20 minutes early like good workers should do). Do work. Including but not limited to making documents, calculating stuff, simulating stuff, engineering things, talking to coworkers ERRRR teambuilding. More working etc. Generally ends at 4:30 but will work extra if required, free of charge of course (like a good worker should). If anyone is looking for a subject for a documentary about rocking the world or being a hero, I scored 4 goals at my after-work social soccer game yesterday. Check it out it says it would take "
7.6 mi – about
2 hours 34 mins" for me to walk to work. I can't speak for everybody, and I don't think Loverboy should either, but I'm working for the weekend. I have been unproductive at work recently.
False. Being that my work is right on I-10, it's actually a real quick and pleasant ride. I knew it had trails and I knew it was like a mile from my work. I am running for Secretary of this organization at work. Fact: I'm the fastest, most athletic, most calm-under-pressure, most natural leaderistic, most emergency experienced, most superhero-esque worker on my floor. Work is steering itself towards the opposite of fun. It sucks because I'll have to work another 10 years at this company atleast before I reach a position high enough where I am worthy of a window office. I should go to the doctor and be all like, "I'm depressed." and see if maybe the doctor will write me a prescription stating that I must get an office with a window at work. Then work would have to give me a window office or else it's against the Dumbasses With Disabilities Act (DWDA). What did I do after work yesterday? Fact: I did not speak a single word after I left work at 4:30. [
Michael enters his apartment after coming home from a long day of work, followed by the gym.] How was work today? So, I work on the 11th floor of our building. In work news, my goal of becoming secretary of the organization thingie at work is only like 18 hours from being made official. I successfully won secretary of the young people organization thingie at work. And I often go wearing my work clothes - generally a polo shirt and some slacks. This happens most when I wear my red shirt / black pants combination on the last work day of the week - ala Tiger Woods. I don't work at Kroger. It is like a man-crush aphrodesiac for all the 30 something Kroger workers. Yeah, and then I'll put on my pants made out of paper bags and my belt made from a piece of rope, and grab my pizza box briefcase and head to work. You can come work with me. And I couldn't tell my friends, family, and coworkers that either. I have this stupid notebook at work. It is where I write down blog topics when I come up with them at work. Problem: it's always left at work so I don't remember the great things when I'm back at home. I am in this suicide pool at work (for entertainment purposes only) and it was funny because when the Panthers pawned heads for gold versus the Chargers, like 4 dudes were eliminated. I have officially been accepted as a Fire Warden at work. I like being at work better than not being at work. Everyone at work is cool. So, I'm on my drive to work at 6:30 as usual, and it's dark. I put it in my bag and continue my way to work. But I don't even care now because if we have to evacuate and I miss work, then I have to make it up anyway and it will not be fun. I don't have work today. I'd rather go to work and compare cool hurricane stories. I'm not ready for work yet after the horror of the hurricane. I have to go back to work today. The grass is always greener when you don't have to go to work. I theorize I can make it to work and back twice atleast on this, and hopefully by then gas getting will be back to normal. They force me to do it at work sometimes. Idea: They should fix the vending machine at my work. Both of those albums I mentioned are really low key and laid back so it will help keep me relaxed at work. And working for the weekend.
This is the only Safe For Work picture I could find related to priapism. We were off from work, but I went in anyway. No one around, I can wear whatever I want, I can play on the internet or phone when I feel like it, because I'm working for free. I need one of those ladies that you make a commitment with and they will give you companionship and help around the house and decorate and make you dinner for when you are home from work. First of all, I found out the chronic stomach pain I've had for months isn't stomach cancer or stomach self-destruct syndrome, but is probably due to the 4 packs of gum I chew a day at work. We were in the elevator at work the other day, and it was pretty full. Then I remembered that I had tossed a football around at my after-work social flag football game, and it was the first time in a while. Like when I know I changed stuff on files at work, and know I saved it, and know I saved it at multiple places because I'm so OCD about it, then my boss will tell me it's wrong and I'm like WTF I fixed that days ago. So, now I'm forced to mean-mug everyone at work. My work badge: Never found it. Otherwise I'm just a guy working a job, surviving for no apparent reason, and watching TV. I took this health screening questionairre thing at work today. I've definitely done worse work. I don't necessarily feel much satisfaction from the work itself because it's relatively tedious and boring, but I like getting a good paycheck where I can buy Battlestar DVD's and basically do what I want, when I want. All these goons at work have been getting sick and missing work. So, I'm feeling good, sitting at work, and I get an e-mail related to one of the groups I'm in. And maybe it worked to get my name out there, as a fun-loving guy with brass stones who loves sending out e-mail blasts. Anyway, there's this guy at work who's kind of a redass. But, he was wearing jeans at work today. I'm sort of scared that I'm going to
go Ryan Leaf on someone at work Monday and end up fired. But now, due to having to make conversation with superiors at work, and college football being the only common ground, I'm sure someone will come try to give me shit about UT losing. The gist: a friend of mine from work and one of my favorite people there died unexpectantly of a stroke. Work will be horrible. I would post some but that's probably against work rules. Everyone who I'm scared of shredding me at work is an old white guy. I hate going to work when the sun is out, it makes me feel late. I love going in to work on my off days so much. I won't go into work tomorrow because the boss already saw me in on my off day today and there's a fine line between being a hard worker and being a loser who goes to work everyday yet still inexplicably sucks. And I bought 2 shares of the company I work at. They are assigning me a "buddy" at work. I haven't been getting shredded by anyone and have been working at my own pace and time has been passing pretty well. I don't know if anyone has worked in an office before, but man, things can be awkward. I won the weekly NFL gambling pool ERRRR community money raffle we have at work. I've stopped eating breakfast and stopped eating lunch at work so I can drop enough lb's that I can afford a small bounceback. Later than I usually do, but still plenty of time to get to work early. I think I have to have some sort of annual review at work soon. I played flag football with my after-work social sports work crew the other day.Like, when I'm tired and don't want to workout after work, I think to myself "
step your game up", and then I go.Or if I get a hankering for some sort of donuts that people constantly bring to work, I think "step your game up", and I don't get one. Only 3 days of work next week. I've been telling everyone at work to call me Master Blaster recently. And I still have to go sit at work for 9 hours.I wish I could lay here all day but I have to go to work. I started a new system of not eating lunch at work 3 weeks ago. I only have 3 more weeks of work before I go to Poland. I came home from work the other day and I saw through the window that my light was on. On my 6 month anniversary of work on Tuesday I got in my car after work and realized I had forgotten to bring my gym bag to work. I had my annual review at work this week. Although I've only worked there 6 months . They can be different categories kinda like a work review. I went out with work people yesterday. I'm sure it will have me foot tapping all week at work. But I put out 40 hours of quality work every week and don't get nearly the credit. Hopefully my run is ass-kicking themed because some other people from work are doing it.
People all through the 20-90 age range at my work crowded around the window on our 11th floor in joy. My friend at work told me about this a while back, and I discovered it when I was researching unusual deaths on wikipedia this past weekend. So I call my mom, and my friend, and my work panicked, and then I called 911. And I had to drive to work at 70mph with no window. Freeeezing my ass off on the way to work. Oh, and since it is the season of giving, here are some pictures of me and my homeslices from work. I bought two bottles of Mountain Dew today as my contribution to the work eating party thing tomorrow. Going back to work after two weeks off today was worse than the Chinese bamboo torture. I had to all but overdose on cold medicine to go to work today. Work has been okay this week. I went to work for a few hours on both Saturday and Sunday. Work is giving me more stress than I would like in a job. Work is like falling down a never ending hole. Speaking of the economy, I got my annual raise at work. This will help work alot. I don't even know what project I'll be on at work this week. Something cool: we have this new awesome guy who transferred here from our UK office at work. I have been job-hopping at work lately which is a big problem. This happy hour for work yesterday was incredible. Because, well, I'm an American worker in a manner of speaking. Only one more day of work this week. Then I need to break them in so I can slaughter this guy from work at the Austin Half-Marathon, otherwise I'll have to quit from shame. I think it's because I equate the smell of it to my pre-work shower where I am usually miserable. I ate a whole can of almonds at work yesterday. But I made up for it by not eating anything at work today. Judging by my workmate's hacking cough that logs in at about 135 decibels, I'm not in for anything good. And, although I've payed over a thousand dollars towards health insurance since I started work, I haven't gone to the doctor at all. I have to go to work tomorrow 
. I walk around work really slow and efforted. I got a cool Batman/Old Clint Eastwood sounding voice out of which was pretty cool to use on people at work. I had to wear my spectacles to work for the first time today. It was at this point I decided to leave work and go to the doctor. I didn't want the security gaurd at work to attack me thinking I was a possessed demon with firey eyes and a deep demonic voice. I'm really not sure how much people are allowed to say about their work without being liable or something. In a land of stunners and steamers, there worked a young man, just one of many in a cube farm. Recently, I was talking to the Second-In-Command of my Department at work. Plus, Dell had 25% off this weekend and I get 7% off on top of that through my work. One thing though is that some people from work will be doing this race too. So I'll do them that favor, in exchange for them entertaining me and greeting me everyday when I come home from work. I was extra motivated since people from work were doing it. Segway into work, where yesterday was my 9 months anniversary. If I had had a really good first day of work, I could have a kid right now. I have this sweet dragon figurine in my office at work to scare away evil spirits and coworkers. Did you know that we got bonuses at work? Especially at work, I'm assuming it's someone calling to tell me it's game over and I'm getting the axe. Hey, we played work league soccer again tonight for the first time since like late October. I didn't waste any time kicking ass while simultaneously taking names and scoring 2 goals, including the first goal in this second season of work league soccer. Ostensibly, I know what I'm working on at work for the next 6 months which is a good feeling. At work, also, the men's room is on the LEFT. Works good, social life is pretty good, romantic life is in the ICU. At work atleast. I've listened to alot of albums since I started working. When I first interviewed for the company I work for now, I knew it. I said, "I like Company X. I bet I will work for them." And yes, I work at a place called Company X. Some people might think that my current predicament at work is stressful. Let's say you make a mistake at work. So I entertained myself for a few hours and ended up showing up to work at 4:30 am. I work best in the morning. Do you have any idea how fast the past 10(!) months at work have gone by? Ever since I ordered this mug and brought it to work, I've been drinking lots of tea. I witness this abberation at work often. I reserve the right to pull atleast one mild April Fool's joke at work though. I was just counting, and since I've started working last June and researching/listening to music alot, I've listened to 86 albums. We had this crawfish boil for work last night. I don't think I'll go into work today. So, if I hit a day off then I can just go in tomorrow and be more refreshed, work for a while, and then go running. Everytime I go to work, this one front desk security guy tries to make conversation. The main thing I accomplished on my voluntary Sunday trek to work is the following million dollar idea. I had the idea when I was making tea at work and thought about how it would be painful if I threw the boiling water in someone's face. Today might have been the best work day I've had so far in my tenure. I knew good things were afoot when I woke up and went outside for work. Then work was good in the morning and I was decently productive. Then in the afternoon there was an awesome voting war at work. Okay, power through this week of work and then it's only a short struggle before my huge awesome Spanish vacation. Here's an example of what I do when I first get to work. Make sure my hair hasn't been destroyed on the way to work. And after work. I think that's why I like work life slightly better than college. I have been late ONCE this year to work. I had to go meet this woman at work today and I told her I'd come at 9:00 and I came exactly at nine and she's like "Wow, you're exactly on time." and I was like "Yeah, I'm always on time." Coincidentally, it's perfectly timed with the completion of the first phase of our project at work, and before the kick-off of the second phase. If I was just at work not having this to look forward to right now, it would be the thought of ending myself that'd be sapping my mind resources. I learned about teamwork in school and even at work. I'm getting this sort of bad mindset lately where work seems more like a long chore rather than something I enjoy going to. I'm sure there are ruts in every line of work. Easy answer - because I remembered I have a Lunch And Learn (on DeSalting - is that something you might be interested in?) at work tomorrow where I'll have to eat solid food. You shouldn't consider it a break from work. But at work, no lollygagging.
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