It really bothers me when I get e-mailed these tips on how not to get sick with stuff like the swine flu, and they include tips like: "cover your sneeze" or "cough into your elbow." Hey, I'm not falling for those tricks! Those are ways that I won't get
others sick. If I'm already infected, who cares about others? They should join me in the hospital to keep me company. Here are some better tips: "If you see someone sneezing or coughing, run away. If you want to sneeze or cough, just do it."
I had this weird incident earlier. I was driving home from the park when I was at a redlight, and at usual at this one redlight, there was some bum trying to panhandle cash. Then, I was enraged when I saw that someone in a car actually gave him a couple of bucks. It was then that I decided on my new stance that it should be illegal to hand a homeless person any money. Wouldn't that help everyone? Instead of pretending that you're looking at your cell phone or reading a map to avoid looking the homeless person in the eye at a stoplight, just look at them and say "Sorry man, it's illegal." Everyone would be happier. The homeless people would eventually stop begging, enroll in college, transfer to Ivy League Schools, become doctors and lawyers, and help society. Win-win.
Well, I had that whole rant made up in my head, but then I drove up next to the car that gave the homeless dude money, and I saw that it was a black woman. It was then that my soul went into fully-perplexed mode. A black woman giving this white homeless stoner looking guy some money. My heart grew three times and broke the heart measuring device at the thought of that kind of racial harmony. I'll have to help some black person out in exchange. Not counting the African conman with his weirdo unintelligible story with the moral of "give me some money" that tried to swindle us in Madrid.
Man, you know, I really wish that strange love-note debacle had never happened. It has peaked my paranoia. Now every morning I'm waiting for the follow-up note written in blood. And I keep speculating on who it might be around my complex, so I have to give the steel-eye / tight-jaw to everyone. Sorry lady, I don't find love from notes on my car.
Comments (2)
@southerness -
Or I could text her a picture of all the guns and grenades I have and how I sleep in a bulletproof vest and helmet, and I DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO STRANGERS.