Everytime I go to work, this one front desk security guy tries to make conversation. It is sort of aggravating. Especially when I go in on a Sunday or early in the morning and he makes some sort of comment. Security guys should be seen and not heard. I go in when no one is there with the hope that no one will bother me. And how can you call yourself security when you don't even have a .44 magnum to unload on intruders? Forget about it!
It'll Blow Your Head Clean OffThe main thing I accomplished on my voluntary Sunday trek to work is the following million dollar idea. Maybe my best idea in years, since I came up with that chain of Glory Holes in truckstops across the country.
Okay, everyone's scared about personal security, yeah? What could be worse than laying in your warm comfortable bed, dreaming about being able to float in the air and slam a basketball and amaze your friends, when all of a sudden you hear someone breaking in! Oh no! What to do! A home invasion!
Of course, your first thought is to grab your shotgun and attack the evil-doers. But wait, you look through the window and see they all have machine guns! You could probably only kill a few before they get you. You're done for. Or are you?
Now, most people, who live in apartments atleast, have a sprinkler system. But a fire never happens so it's really a waste of time. But, what if the sprinkler was hooked up to a supply of... wait for it, BOILING HOT WATER!
Here's how it works, you go under your bed and get out your protective anti-boiling-hot-water sheet and put it on over your body. That will keep you safe. Then you press the panic button and it's all systems go. Suddenly, your home intruders are doused with 300 GPM of of scalding water. They drop their machine guns and start writhing in pain. Even if they are decked out with bulletproof vests, their faces are destroyed.
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This is maybe the biggest advance in security since cavemen invented the club. I had the idea when I was making tea at work and thought about how it would be painful if I threw the boiling water in someone's face. The rest wrote itself really.
Hey, I've gone and done long runs in the park two days in a row now. It's my pre-vacation fitness push. Be the best that you can be, Helena. That's what I was taught in elementary school, and that's what I follow now.
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