Sunday, 22 March 2009

• Walking Into A Women's Bathroom

  I went to the park for running today.  And I'm doing my warmup walk, jamming to the guitar riff in Titus Andronicus' Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ, and wishing I was a baseball closer and could come out to that song and to the roar of the crowd.
  
  And, as I am apt to do, I decided to go use the bathroom before I ran, because a full bladder is like runner's kryptonite.  And, now that they've made Terry Hershey Park pretty good, they have a new one of those bathroom shanties that you are prone to seeing at parks.  You know, where everything is made of concrete and the toilets and bathroom fixtures are all industrial strength steal.
  
  
  Artist's Rendering
  
  So I go in, and my first thought is, "Weird.  Why did they build a stall around the urinal? And, oh no, someone is already using it."   Then I was going to go down to the other stall, so I was making my way there, but then the stall occupant comes out and I was obviously shocked to see it was a woman. 
  
  My mind began racing. "Is she in the wrong bathroom?" "Is this a weirdo community bathroom?" "Is this just a girly looking guy with long hair?" and then finally, "Oh my god I'm in the woman's bathroom."  I immediately made a retreat, looked at the sign outside the door, and saw, yes, it was the woman's.
  
  Somehow though, I think the woman in there was stoned out of her mind, ignorant, frightened, or some combination thereof because she didn't ever look at me or say anything.  Maybe she thought I was a park ranger or janitorial crew.
  
  I can justify my actions though.  At the park where I play soccer, there is a similiar bathroom shanty, and there, the men's room is on the LEFT.  At this establishment though, the men's room is on the RIGHT.  At work, also, the men's room is on the LEFT. 
  
  I propose some sort of legislation mandating consistency in the building and labeling of bathrooms.  How about Men's room always on the left and Women's on the right.  Because M comes before W in alphabetical order.  Just, for the love of all things holy, protect me from myself.

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