Sunday, 01 March 2009

• I Have A Dream: or My Inner Genius Wants Out

  Okay, I already have all the great stuff I want now:
  
  New car.
  Big TV.
  All the channels and DVR.
  New computer.
  Ant farm.
  Golf clubs.
  A big black leather couch.
  
  But there's something else I need.
  Time.
  
  I just wish I could do nothing for a year.  No obligations.  No having to work.  Just make someone pay for me.  I'll lay around, research things.  Play games.  Eat food.  Run around.  I don't even care if I'm alone. It could be in a foreign country for all I care. It would be awesome.  And then my main goal would be to write this awesome novel that would change the world like George Orwell or something  That's the dream.
  
  But the reality is, back to the old grind tomorrow.  I'm starting to come to terms with how, at this age, there aren't any more "wait until" moments.  Like, "High School sucks, but wait until we go to college", and then "Well college sucks, well wait until we graduate and get jobs."  The only "wait untils" I have ahead of me now are by society.  "Wait until you have a wife." "Wait until you have kids." Yeah, I'll get right on that. 
  
  Haha, compared to previous residences, this apartment is unbelievably quiet.  I'm not ever bothered.  But I think my upstairs neighbor either just had two EPIC sneezes, got stabbed in the heart, or is turning into a werewolf.  Weird guy.
  
  I like doing these races because they help me put numbers to my physical fitness progress.  And your paycheck puts a number to your career progress (fear of layoff notwithstanding).  And my college degree and unbelievable skill in trivia games helps me rate my intelligence. 
  
  Some of my friends are getting married soon which is whack.  I've had relationships in the past, but I never really let people get into this place, there might have been a bit of cliche' fear of commitment in that, but really, I subterfuged them all.  And I have some regrets, and some what-if's, but, it's time and place, I have to own it.  And I really don't want to try for more relationships.  I'm not into that whole song and dance anymore.  I think that if I end up with a wife one day, it'll be pure dues ex machina.  There's nothing wrong with that.  As long as it doesn't end up as dues ex divorca.
  
  I guess it comes down to that right now I've been able to get alot of the things I want.  But the things I want now, are going to be harder to get.  Life's more complicated out of the ant farm.

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