Friday, 27 February 2009

• The Ant Chronicles

  Today goes down as one of the best days of my life because, yes...
  MY ANT FARM CAME IN!
  
  Behold the power of the futuristic ant farm!
  
   
  
  See, the thing is full of gel.  And the ants can EAT the gel! And they dig tunnels through it! And then you turn on the lights to see the cool tunnels lit up.
  
  So I was pumped, but I was missing just one thing: the ants.  And therein lies the rub.
  
  So, I grabbed a dixie cup and a plastic knife and set out.  I walked around my apartment complex at first, but apparently the assload of rent I pay per month includes some pretty good landscaping, and unfortunately, the elimination of ants.  But I was not discouraged, I left my complex and set out to walk down the road.
  
  It wasn't long before I found an antpile.  And then, at that moment, there I was: a 24 year old man kneeling next to an antpile with a knife and a cup trying to capture enough for an antfarm.  Oh, and taking pictures too.
  
  
  
  There was a big problem with this antpile though.  Namely, it sucked.  I stabbed it repeatedly with my knife, but the ants only trickled out.  All the while, cars drove past me on what was a pretty busy road, probably wondering what this stooge was doing.  After a few minutes of prodding, I gave up on these ants.  They weren't pissed off and energetic enough to join my colony, anyway.  I pressed on.
  
  And then, I found another candidate.  I had to test it.  I jammed in my knife.  Success!
  
  
  
  They were pissed! These are the kind of fighters I needed.  But then, I realized the shortfallings of my plan.  I captured some ants in the cup, but of course, they would scurry out of it, then run all around the outside of the cup, and then eventually hit my hand.  No good.  These ants were smart, but I'd have to be smarter.
  
  So I went back home and grabbed the ant farm itself.  Since it has a lid, I can capture some ants by making them walk on my knife, and then flicking them into their prison ERRR new home.  I went back to the pile.  Now I was a 24 year old man walking around with a weird glass case filled with a strange blue gel.  This is exactly how I pictured myself as an adult back when I was child, laying in bed, and imagining my future life. 
  
  It was a tough task.  I had to somehow keep the 5 ants I could capture with every knife-flick trick in the cell while I wanted to add more.  But, eventually, it worked out good enough for me to get the prescribed 20-25 ants.
  
  So now, I'm a father.  A father of 20 or so ants.
  
   
  
  Oh they are so cute.  Supposedly, after they get over the initial shock of living in a weird blue world where then can eat their home, they'll start tunneling and whatnot.  And some will die.  But, the ants are supposed to drag their dead to the surface for me to take away.  So I'll do them that favor, in exchange for them entertaining me and greeting me everyday when I come home from work. 
  
  Now this is the life.

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