I've gotten contacted 5 times since updating my Monster.com resume the other day, including one voicemail.
The person who left a voicemail is automatically out of the running for my services, because I hate voicemails. Even though I now have Visual Voicemail, which is really cool, I still despise them. Why? Because they suck. I hate phonecalls period, because I can't stand sudden noises. They frighten me.
And voicemails are horrible because it's a hassle to check them. And texts are better. Also, when I see I have a voicemail, I assume it's bad news. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your whole family was killed in a horribly painful fashion" or "Hey, this is a bill collector, you owe us like ten million dollars."
And the e-mails I got for jobs all suck because none of them are in Australia or New Zealand, which I added to my desired job locations.
Why am I in such high demand? Is it because I have a degree in Chemical Engineering from a top-7 Chemical Engineering program? No. It's because I'm an idea man. I have great ideas all the time.
Idea: All restrooms should have loud music blaring all the time. Restrooms are bad enough as it is because they are so disgusting. And the last thing I want to hear is someone else using the facilities. Makes my soul want to vomit.
Idea: They should fix the vending machine at my work. I try to put in a dollar and get something for 75 cents, and it will say "Use Correct Change." So, then I put in 3 quarters and I get the thing I want. Then I put in another dollar bill because I want another thing for 75 cents (most of my lunches are from the vending machine), but then the machine says "Use Correct Change." Fucking machine. I know for a fact you have atleast 3 quarters and can make change. You are just being an asshole. They should fix that machine.
Evil MachinifiedIdea: You know those people who stand by the side of the road who pretend to provide some service when they are really just begging for money? They should arrest them. No, I don't want you to spread dirt around my windshield with your disgusting rag. And I don't want some flower you stole from someone's yard. And I definitely don't want any food or water you poisoned or contaminated.
Idea: They should make cars that fly. It would really help free up traffic because we'd have that many more levels to drive on.
And these are all just from the top of my head. There are hundreds of genius ideas that I've given out free of charge in this blog over the years. Now just imagine the good ideas I have when I'm paid.
Comments (2)
So i have been with out a cell phone for the past week, why would you care ? well let me tell you. I can barely respond to a text or work email which both come obviously via cell phone, yet i get your xanga updates emailed to my phone relegiously and read them asap. They compare with my fantasy fball updates on things viewed most often on my phone. Thats impressive. So with the new palm treo in tow as well a 35$ a month extra internet fee just so i can catch your xanga updates to get me through the work grind im ready to face the world again.
also just a ps because you have the most legit movie collection and it follows in my own taste i would reccomend picking up Terminator: The sarah connor chronicles season 1 on blue ray its like 25$ for the whole season and it doesnt dissapoint, also check out sons of anarchy on FX