Saturday, 06 September 2008

• We Didn't Start The Fire

  As is probably the case on every Saturday morning, on every street, in every town, in the entire world, I drove by a pack of loser girls trying to hold a carwash fundraiser today.
  
  Normally, I would just think something like "Those fat losers are annoying. Fundraiser car washes are for suckers." but today one of the stooges was holding a sign that said "What Would Jesus Do? Car Wash!"
  
  I don't really understand your advertising. Are you saying that Jesus would come to your car wash?  Or that Jesus would hold a car wash.  Because I have been to church over 5 times and never once did I hear the story about Jesus and the Apostles holding a camel wash to raise clams to get new sandals.  But I might not have been paying attention.
  
  Good thing you didn't make a sign that said "What Would Zeus Do?" because I'll tell you what he would do.  Strike you down with lightning.  Same goes for Thor.
  
  
  No Using Zeus's Name In Vain
  
  I was so perturbed by the thought of people thinking anyone would want to wait 30 minutes while a bunch of middle school girls butchered/cleaned their car, I went to a machine car wash directly after.  And as I sat inside my car while the robotic devices were hard at work, I couldn't help but be happy.
  
   
  We Have No Idea How To Wash A Car
  
  I have officially been accepted as a Fire Warden at work.  So, I now have literally dozens of lives in my hands.  And I heard through the grape vine that one of the perks is a walkie-talkie.  All this in exchange for having to be the last one out in case of a fire.  But, let's be honest, if there's a fire, everyone on the 11th floor is dying anyway.  Except for me.  Just make sure you roll right before you hit the ground - that's the key.
  
  
  Fire Marshall Bill - My Fire Safety Hero
  
  I'm going to a wedding today for a girl who is probably in the top 3 people most responsible for me graduating college.  For helping me cheat ERRR copy homework ERRR acquire helpful information I probably shouldn't have ERRR study hard. Also, she is directly responsible for me starting to be a running phenom by first getting me to do a 5K.
  
  I've got to soak in these weddings because the odds of me ever having one are like - 1 in 10. 

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