Friday, 04 July 2008

• The Worst of Times

  I've had a couple of the worst experiences of my life over the past few days.  Well, maybe not the worst, but pretty bad.  Bad enough for me to say they are the worst experiences of my life atleast.  So they are on that list atleast.
  
  The worst was a kickboxing class I took at the gym.  I decided to do it because some of my straight home-dawgs from work do it.  And there were atleast 5 guys in it, so I figured oh well, might as well.
  
  I'm a pretty humble guy, but I'll go ahead and say I'm in super ungodly to the max ultra-powered mighty morphin' shape.  So the actual physical demands of the class were cake.  Sorry, soccer moms, but your routine barely makes me sweat.  Merely glisten.

  But it was the mental aspect of the class that nearly put me in a coma.  Right hook, back kick, around the wheel, speedbags, uppercuts, crosses.  All combined in a seemingly random pattern causing me to look like a complete cockhole.  I did so poor in fact, that the class instructor came to me for some personal instruction during the middle of the 50 minute class.
  
  She was really good and energetic, and hit me with a "It's okay, baby. I'll learn ya." and took my arms to direct them.  This was much to my chagrin as my coworkers could easily see the level of my duncicity.  Worst. Experience. Ever.
  
  And then today I went to IKEA.  Or as I would like to dub it, the Auschwitz of Furniture Stores.  It's a veritable concentration camp in there.  But instead of being being herded to be killed or to be put to work, they are buying furniture and accessories.  I had no idea how the system of purchasing things worked, or where the hell anything was, so I was basically like a rat in a maze.  A headless rat injected with methamphetamines. 
  
  In the end I came out alive though, and tomorrow will be dedicated to drinking Australian wine and trying to put together the shiznit that I bought. 
  
  All while waiting for the guys to come deliver my couch I bought from Gallery Furniture.  Yeah, I didn't want some cheapass IKEA couch, so I went all out.  Let's just say it wasn't cheap.  At all.  But hey, black leather high quality reclinable couches don't grow on trees. 
  
  My inexpensive, furniture free life is.... Boom. Outta here.

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