My goal in life is to help people. And Xanga is but one outlet that I utilize to do just that.
Yesterday I sent out a strong message urging the public to help eradicate the small yet powerful ponytail sporting male population.
But today I tackle a much bigger style epidemic spreading itself through college campuses throughout the universe. I've seen its steady rise every since my freshman year, and now that I only have a year left in my redshirt-senior year, I feel I must voice my opinion about it.
The style of which I speak is an easy one to spot. The main culprit is the female species, and the symptoms are as follows: large sorority/fraternity shirt, extra large sunglasses, small athletic training shorts.
I have crafted the following very realistic depiction:
Notice the large brightly colored Pi Epsilon Zeta shirt, presumably received at some sort of social function. Now, why does she wear it all the time, and in a couple of sizes too big? Elementary, to help cover up the dozens of pounds she'd gained from beerbonging Natural Light and participating in funnel cake eating contests every weekend since she got to college.
Here's a hidden camera picture of an actual sorority Natural Light drinking / Funnel Cake eating event.
I've got a secret. I actually edited in the funnel cakes and beer in the above picture (
). But, whatever the disgusting chilly-esque mass is they are actually eating is probably alot worse.
Anyway, so the girls have gained weight from drinkings lots of beers and having sex with ERRRR talking to a bunch of random guys every weekend. So be it.
But oh no, they can't let people think they've actually totally given up. So they wear the super small nike athletic shorts. These shorts are designed to be worn during some sort of exercising endeavor, and it can be quite flattering on the right person.
See, Jessica Simpson rolls with the nike shorts quite well. But notice, she is drinking a water, not doing a kegstand.
And then I'm brought to the final fixture of the look, the sunglasses. Look, I'm all for style, and I realize the big sunglasses are the style these days. But they should act as sunglasses, not as a mask.
I can't totally nail down the reasoning for the huge sunglasses. I guess the girls think that guys will assume the best. Like,
"I can't see her face at all, but she's wearing some nice Nike shorts so she must be pretty." I tend to be more pessimistic.
"She's covering her eyes, so they are either all red from smoking marijuana, dilated from being pilled out, black and swollen from being hit by her abusive boyfriend, or all tired and puffy from nights of unabated cocaine use."
This isn't bashing sororities in general, I've got no issues with that. It just so happens that this style of dress is most common in that demographic. I have a similar take about college guys attire, but it's not really worth a whole post. Just replace big sunglasses, large sorority shirt, and athletic shorts with pink collared shirt, stupid khaki shorts, and boat shoes.
Another post, another life lesson. All in a day's work.
Oh, and one more tip. If you're going to use Google Image Search to try to find pictures of sorority girls to edit and put into one of your posts, turn the safe search feature ON. Otherwise you'll get lots of pictures of girls who are, um, a little too friendly with their sorority sisters.
Comments (1)
who says that's TOO friendly?