Tuesday, 04 March 2008

• J. Walker

  I support whatever candidate will introduce legislation not only allowing, but encouraging, the hitting of jaywalkers with automobiles.  I can't stand these oblivious pedestrations constantly bobbing in and out of traffic like they're Barry Sanders or something.
  
  I take great pride at speeding up in order to put a scare into people crossing the road illegally. 
  
  It just bothers me so much because I blatantly fear and respect the crosswalk.  It stems from the time I saw the kid lying in the middle of the road after getting hit by a car.  That was when I was just a wee lad.  Maybe more people should have these traumatic experiences and they'd be better off for it.
  
  I follow the rules.  I like people that follow the rules.  If everyone just follows the rules, we'll all be happy.
  
  I would love some sort of reward system for taking out pedestrations.  Drag in a disobediant pedestrians carcas, get an ice cream sandwich. 
  
  I've seen cops sitting at crosswalks while a jaywalker blatantly jaywalks.  Did the cop hop out of the car and beat down the offender? No.  He just sat there. 
  
  However, I was pleased to see cops interrogate the bum who had been living on the bench next to the track the other day.  The only problem was that they didn't beat him within inches of his life.
  
  The bugman just came in here to spray for bugs.  That's cool, because I hate bugs.  Luckily I do my own spraying and fogging to supplement the complex's efforts.  And I haven't seen a bug in a really long time.  I scared them all away.

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