Y'know, if/when I die, I don't want to Rest In Peace. That's boring. I'd rather join the ghost army or something. Atleast give me something to do.
I'd like to haunt people. Maybe pick a hotel room or a 7-11 and really scare people. Not just by flickering the lights or making oooo and aaaaahh sounds. I mean keeping the TV turned to PBS or making blood flow from the slushee machine.
Who needs rest when you're dead anyway? What are you resting for? Being dead more? No rest for the weary, that's what I say.
I want people to question my haunting techniques. "Man, this toaster always burns my toast. It must be haunted. But who would haunt a toaster?" I would! Kiss your toast goodbye. I hope you like it black.
I want to get buried with a crudely made sword. That way, when they dig me up in like 40,000 years, they'll say "Hmm, so in the 21st century they still had crudely made swords for weapons." Damn right we did.
While I'm busy tricking future archeologists, you might as well graft a couple extra arms to me. Or weld a horn to my head. "The people in the 21st century had 4 arms and horns." That's a practical joke that lasts for millennia; you can't beat that.
Okay, I've wasted the appropriate amount of time to get to 5:45 - the arbitrary public opening time of the school parking lots.
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