How about some stream of consciousness?
I don't see how no one thought of the George Foreman grill about 500 years before George Foreman. It's just two pieces of metal. With rivets. And then you heat it. Not to say it doesn't rule, because it does. But it doesn't' take a heavyweight champion to think of it. I don't think he actually invented it though. I think it was Stephen Hawking who invented it, but he didn't have that tough guy image. Because he's wheelchair bound and can't move or speak. So he couldn't' really market the grill.
Another story I heard was that Stephen Hawking doesn't really have any diseases, but George Foreman just kicked his ass one day. So then George Foreman stole his idea for the grill. He was fixing to patent it, but it was too late. So then Hawking had to think of other ideas so he did physics stuff. This really happened.
They are trying to spruce up my apartment building to encourage people to move in. This is including but not limited to trying to clean the pool. I think they might as well concrete it up. No one would ever swim in this pool ever. It is probably dirtier than the sewer. Actually I know it is. It is generally a dark green hue reminiscent of Swamp Thing. Occasionally they put in about 55 gallons of chlorine which turns it bright blue and people might think it's clean and fit for swimming. From what I have heard, no one has actually ever swam in it. Actually, I heard this woman who didn't live here brought her kid to swim in it once. I think she was homeless though. If you touch the water, you will A) dissolve, B) turn into the Toxic Avenger, C) be transported to the land of Narnia. No one is exactly sure because no one is brave enough to dare touch it. It is right outside my window too. I think it's where souls go to die. They even have the audacity to have a sign with rules close to it. It's the standard issue stuff like "Don't dive in since the pool is only about 2 feet deep" and "No Lifeguard on duty." I was thinking about applying for the job of lifeguard at the pool. However to properly gourd lives there, you'd probably need garlic and some crosses and silver bullets and stakes and Bibles and holy water. This is just incase any werewolves, vampires, or demons come because only these sort of monsters would swim there. If I was on fire, I wouldn't jump in the pool. It would probably only cause me to catch on even more fire. Like jumping into gasoline. I heard they tried to make a car that used the water from our pool as fuel, but it was way too volatile and couldn't be contained. I heard that someone saw a fly land in the water once and he transformed into German Shepard. I think he works as a seeing-eye dog now.
It would be cool if instead of a pool, we had a giant inflatable bouncy room thing like at festivals and rich kids birthday parties. That would definitely get people to move in.
The maintenance monkeys inexplicably decided to fix the stair steps yesterday. This involved repouring concrete. So now I can't use the stairs outside of my room. The maintenance monkeys here are ignorant.
One time my shower kept dripping because the hot water couldn't close all the way. Luckily for me, we don't have to pay for water. But the dripping drove me insane like the chinese water torture. So they sent over this maintenance goon who was about 7 feet tall, had crypt keeper hair, and approximately 5 teeth. To make a long story short, he ended up fixing the hot water, but broke the cold water thing so it drips now. And he accidently hammered through the shower wall and broke like 5 tiles while he was at it, so then he duct taped that and said he'd send someone to fix it the next day. That was about 5 months ago. I'll make him fix it eventually before I move out.
My cleaning robot is such a good friend. I made him clean the living room the other day. He did a fantastic job. He is fun to just make run around via remote control too. His name is Randy Roomba. He makes cute beeping sounds. He's my best friend.
I just had another great idea. They should drain the pool outside and make it into a cockfighting pit. There has been lots of support towards cockfighting in the media lately, so lots of people would want to live in an apartment complex with its own pit. I can just imagine drifting off into sleep with the sound of clucking and feathers flying resonating throughout my room. Oh, what bliss.
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