Saturday, 26 August 2006

• Tales of a 16th Grade Nothing

  Uh oh. 
  
  The bad news is that I'm sort of excited about this school year.  Everything seems to be shaping up pretty well.  My room has more closet space than like, a place with alot of closets.  I'll have my cool posters in here to make me look cool and inspire me.  I'm pretty close to campus.
  
  I went to the gym today and saw my partner from work.  We chatted and it was glorious.  Then I saw this girl from Nederland at the gym too.  Then I hung out with J.Rice #80 and Cox-Til-You-Drop.  Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something out of the ordinary. I got this bed and desk for free. 
  
  My room is gonna be awesome.  I have my own cool bathroom and a direct exit from my room to the outside. Class should be manageable.  I've got alot of people I know here, and I'll be here for a while.  Finally a sense of home I've been craving.. 
  
  Yeah, things are going pretty good.  Thus, I can sense impending doom.
  
  I am reminded of a dialogue from the little known television show "Seinfeld".  Most people have never heard of Seinfeld, but it is one of my favorite shows.
  
  There is this one character named George. Here is a conversation he had with a therapist once when things seemed to be going good for him...
  
  
  

  GEORGE: What if the pilot gets picked up and it becomes a series?

  DANA: That'd be wonderful George, you'll be rich and successful.

  GEORGE: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.

  DANA: I thought you didn't believe in God?

  GEORGE: I do for the bad things.
  
  
  
  So true George.  Oh so true.
  
  
  Oh yeah, I'm officially dropping the name "TZ."  I will never refer to myself as such again because I'm a high powered professional and not a clown.  You may now refer to me as Michael, Mike, or Bozo.
  
  Booyakasha.
  
  Retraction: The other day I referred to Kenny Loggins as a "one hit wonder".  I was under the impression that his only cool song was the one from Caddyshack.  It has recently come to my attention that he had other songs that might not have sucked, including "Highway to the Dangerzone" as featured in Top Gun and "Footloose", as featured in Footloose.  I deeply regret this error and apologize to Mr. Loggins, his family, and his fans.
  
  A Bunch of words:
  Upon downloading and playing "I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins again, I have been attacked by goosebumps.  This is the effects of your parents letting you watch classic 80's comedies from a very young age.  Even though they have profanity, adult themes, drug references, and brief nudity.  I was 4 and 5 years old watching Vacation, Caddyshack, Animal House, all that awesome stuff.  Flash forward 15 or so years, and I am awesome.  I hate censoring children and babying them, because then they just become total dickheads and rebel or have no sense of being cool.  Expose them to stuff that rules at a young age, and they will grow to rule.  Why the hell do you shield the view of your kids?  The world is the world.  Don't put blinders on them, and then decide that at some arbitrary age that they can do something.  That's total bullshit.  Kids adapt.  You learn and adapt as a kid more than any other time.  People assume that kids will take in bad things and become bad but that's insane.  Let them take in legitimate good.  Treat them as adults.  Have some respect for kids, they are smarter than you think.  I know I am not all that different from when I was 5 and 6.  I like all the same stuff now as I did then.  I was watching Beavis and Butt-Head since I was 8, and I still watch it now.  They tell me I'm precocious and that's why, but I don't know.  I just know that I was basically treated as one of the guys by my parents.  If they rented some movie, no matter the rating, we were all gonna sit and watch it.  My parents let me watch adult comedies from a young age, and that's why I have this super powered sense of humor now.  And I'm only slightly warped, and that's probably from Chernobyl radiation and not good movies and TV.
  
  I'll say it again and again and again.  Movies and television at a young age have shaped me more than anything.  I was five years old and watching Nick-At-Nite all night.  If you're 5 and can learn to appreciate things made for adults, you're so far ahead of the curve.  Syndicated Seinfeld isn't where I became a fan.  I watched Seinfeld since I was 6.  That is top notch adult humor and concepts that you're exposed to, and the sooner you can start learning from it, the better off you are.  You shouldn't disallow things just because they contain things that dumbass bible-thumping house wives with nothing better to do than tell people how sinful they are say is inappropriate. We've got more damn ratings in this country than I care to imagine.  
  
  "Sorry son, you can't play that videogame because people get hit and bleed." Well you know what dingleberry, people bleed in real life.  Especially when you cut their heads off.  If playing this videogame makes me cut someone's head off, then I'm probably a complete dumbass anyway.  I'm much more likely to cut off someone's head because I'm pissed that my parents won't let me do anything. 
  
  Everything has some dumbass rating based on age, which is the most totally arbitrary meaningless statistic of all. Kids don't mature because they gain years, they mature by taking in the world and processing it and becoming in tune with it.  And you can't grow and adapt when you're not allowed to watch things.  I can't imagine what I would be like now if my parents made me watch shit like The Magic Schoolbus instead of kicking back and watching Stripes.  Don't get me wrong, I watched plenty of kids shows.  But it was always my prerogative.  If I wanted to watch Eureka's Castle or The Little Bits, so be it.  But they wouldn't send me to my room when it was time for Married... With Children. 
  
  And that has made all the difference.

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