This reminds me of that episode where Chandler stuck that rat in Ross's burger and Ross took a bite of it and got all pissed off. So then later for revenge, Ross stuck a black widow in Chandler's burger, but the black widow killed Chandler and Ross was really regretful.
My favorite part of the really crappy hotels is how everything seems to be covered by ghosts. It's like your taking a shower and then blood comes out of the faucet, and then you turn on the TV but instead of Friends, it's like a show about how a guy got killed once. And then they are like, "
Yes this man was brutally murdered... in your room! Yes you, watching the TV. In room 107. Yeah, it was right where your sitting right now. That's where they chopped his head off."
If the average person tried to withstand the level of rage I'm constantly at while driving, then there would be eyeballs popping out and then arms and legs would transform into octopus tentacles, then there would be a big boom and you think it's a flat tire but it's really that your heart has transformed into a robot woodpecker with a syringe for a beak and it's pecking on your ribs from the inside.
Yesterday I was riding the stupid ass stair climber machine, and this was after like 400 hours on the elliptical, and I had sweated so much that my shirt actually transformed from a shirt and into the Pacific Ocean. And then, just as I was about to disintegrate, the song
"I'm Alright" by one hit wonder Kenny Loggins came on the gym radio. This song is the one from the beginning of
Caddyshack where Danny is riding his bike. It goes like, "I'm alriiight, don't nobody worry about me." I swear it was like I was touched by the hand of Zeus. Goosebumps erupted, energy flowed through my veins by the gigawatt, and my legs pumped as if they were forged from adamantium. Damn, the power of memory is strong.
I don't want to sound like I have emotions or something, but today was tough. It was the last day at my job. For my other co-op terms, I could always be like "Well, I'll be back in the Spring, so see ya then.
" But this was my last term. So you're just like, "Well, I'll probably never see you again, so have a nice life.
" I've worked at this joint for about 13 months total, 40 hours a week. I was wondering what would happen if I just started sobbing. That would be funny. My last walk through the plant, and turning in my badge, and saying goodbye to my old boss from Spring who also doubles as my biggest hero; it was a doozy.
But thus is life.
And life changes drastically as I'm not in Austin for the long haul and having to do something called school. It's where you pay money, but you don't learn anything, you just cheat and con to get by. Then later, they are like "well, here's a degree." And then you have this degree and it's supposed to tell people that you're good enough to get paid to do things.
I've had 33 straight weeks of work. 33 straight weeks of waking up at 5:30. My longest time off of work has been 3 days. After 1320 hours of being a productive member of the lubrication industry, I have to walk around a campus full of poseurs and wannabes. Freshman who think,
"I was a total stooge in Highschool, but that was then, this is now. I go to UT now and I've got like 8 hairs on my chin and I'm in Austin where people think it's cool when you're a pansy." And then there are other dudes who are like,
"I would totally get my ass kicked by the winged madman known as Endless Mike if I pissed him off, but I'm gonna be a total jackass anyway and think I'm cool." Then there are the girls who are like,
"I'm like a girl and I have these female parts and I feel all wanted now that these jackasses who would get their asses kicked by the winged madman known as Endless Mike buy me beer and then violate me and never call me back." And then there are these dudes who are like,
"I like to scowl and try to look like I'm too cool and like I hate everyone and I think about how everyone sucks but me and I'm not sure why, but I think it's a complex stemming from self-consciousness and self-doubt, and then I write about it later at www.xanga.com/endlessmike03" Those are my favorite kind of dudes.
I'll tell you exactly what I am. I'm a mix of Patrick Bateman and Travis Bickle.
Thus is life.
Here's some picture from my moving in:
I have a bathroom
My pride and joy... The Stack
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